Sunday, July 08, 2007

Flat hunting between tears

Lordy, lordy, lord. My oh my, I forgot what a stressful business it is being on your own after 4 years of unhealthy co-dependency. Oh wait, I have never been in quite this situation before. Mamma mia.

Sometimes I imagine a particular yoga teacher's voice in my head, telling me in her beautiful, elongated, soothing voice: "breathe innnnto the heart chakra and oooout through the belly chakra". And vice versa.

I am not sure if I even believe in chakras, but at this point, whatever helps me get through this, y'know?

Also, I have lost my appetite, pretty much completely. This has never ever happened before. I find it bewildering and disturbing. If there was one thing I thought I could count on in this world - besides the love and concern of my parents - it was that my passion for food in general and chocolate in particular would never wane.

* * * *

I went to a quiz night last week - a colleague is raising funds for Oxfam (hi Bix!). One of the questions in the Literature round was: "Name the book which begins with the words, "Call me Ishmael". I knew immediately that it was Moby Dick.

I do love reading, but I never got around to Moby Dick.

Also, I have a pretty bad memory for books/history/geography. Unless, that is, it happens to have been referenced in a comic, a format for which I seem to have total recall.


Anna said...

Hi again.

Chin up, deep breaths. It's so hard, but you are much stronger and more resourceful than you know. You will never encounter a situation that you do not have the strength to deal with. Even if you don't believe it, it's true.

Such are the words of wisdom I've received many times from my teddy bear, Fred, who has clocked up an amazing 28 years with me. I still tell him all my problems! (I know he's really my own voice of reason, but it's much more fun doing it this way).

But, to be serious for a moment (it's unlike me), you WILL be fine. You'll get through this, and at a point in the not-so-distant future you'll look back on this and think "sure, it was hard, but it wasn't THAT hard". And life will move on, and you'll feel happy, and secure. But I'm sure you know all of this.

Plenty of people out here in the blogosphere are cheering you on, and sending all their happy thoughts your way. If I was a touchy-feely person I might even send a hug.

susanna said...

i wish there was some way of comforting you properly at this distance. take care of yourself, and let us know how you are through this blog. x

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