Saturday, March 14, 2015

Tap, tap... is this thing on?

Hi there!

It's me again.

It's been a heck of a long time between blog posts.

I must admit, I rarely do something in my own time unless I want do that thing (lucky me, eh?) - and I haven't felt the urge to blog for a really long time. I'm not sure why - I'm busy with other stuff? The medication I'm on has affected my writing ability/confidence? I have other outlets for my creativity now?

Goodness knows, but here we are.

Today I felt the urge to write for the first time in a long time, and I think it has to do with where my head has been at for the past few months. If blogging is journaling into the void, then I feel the need to chronicle what's been happening with me. If I'm the only one who reads it, that's fine. If anyone else wants to read it - well, that's fine too.

The past three months or so have been 'interesting' - exciting, stressful, different. V and I moved to the North Western suburbs of Melbourne, about 15k from the CBD, an area neither of us knew at all prior to looking for a place to buy. I underwent a laproscopy to try and help with the infertility issues we are dealing with. And I've been doing lots of temp work.

1. Moving to the burbs
The good: we have a beautiful new house, with so much room! There's an entire bedroom we hardly ever set foot in, which is currently devoted to clothes drying racks. After living in a teensy 36 square metre apartment, it feels very luxurious. Nice neighbours. Lots of great turkish bread and sweets in the area. A good zumba class up the street.

The bad: it's a long way from family and friends (at least a half hour drive). We are deafened by choppers coming in and out of Essendon airport on a regular basis. You can't get good coffee. No good yoga classes. NOT RICHMOND.

2. Baby-making blues

Don't think I really need to list the cons of this one - there are a million and one blogs out there devoted to various infertility stories. Suffice it to say, it's a stressful journey and I have a huge amount of empathy for anyone who has battled through it. We're currently looking down the barrel of IVF (reluctantly).

3. Lots of temp work

Pros: It pays the bills. The team I'm working with are nice. They have an awesome coffee machine. I can (usually) sail out the door at 5.30pm.

Cons: I'm now commuting for over an hour in each direction, by train or car-sharing with V. I'm juggling private freelance work as well, so I'm trying to squeeze in jobs on evenings and weekends. I barely have enough energy for the minimum level of socialising that is required to be an adult human.

So that's what my life has been like the last little while. I'm just now realising that actually, there has been quite a bit going on and maybe I should cut myself some slack for not coping like a superhero. I also had the mini-revelation today that since I stopped doing my regular Saturday morning yoga class, my everyday level of anxiety has spiked, and as such am not coping with stress as well as I could.

Then there was today.

This morning I woke up to a glorious morning, put on some bacon and eggs, and went to scratch the head of my neighbours cat, who has forcibly adopted us as her surrogate owners and now lives in our front yard (even though we don't feed her or let her inside). Every day this week, she has been there when I open the door in the mornings to race for the train, and every night she is there waiting to twine around my legs when I come home. Today I had time to sit with her for a while, and I realised it's super-lovely having an unexpected porch buddy who just wants a little affection.

As I patted our new pet (named 'cat cat'), I decided that in lieu of yoga, I'd go for an outdoor swim. I freewheeled down to the local pool and did 20 lazy laps, up and down, alternating breast-stroke, side-stroke, back-stroke, thinking about how things have been lately. There was just one other guy in the entire 50m pool, and the sun was so bright and the water so clear and pleasant that neither of us could believe our luck. We just smiled stupidly at each other as we passed, each in our own vast empty lane.

Then I came home and my lovely husband was there. We sat happily entwined on the couch, watching the F1, sharing a beer. And despite everything that has happened and how much I've struggled over the past few months, I don't think I've ever been so happy.

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