Resolutions

2011 was a big year for me - I put a deposit on a flat, settled back in to Melbourne life, started working for myself, joined the Squeaky Wheel committee, dated several amiable losers (and one super lovely guy but it's complicated so please don't ask me to elaborate or we could be here all night, srsly).

So 2012. I'm not really into the resolution thing - I tend to think about doing things as and when they occur to me, on the fly and sporadically, cos that's the kind of lazy ass I am. I already do yoga and zumba once a week, and ride my bike. I already try to eat right - in between sweets - and there's NO WAY IN HELL I'm giving up sugar like some ascetic freaks out there. I hardly drink; I don't gamble, take drugs or sleep with supermodels - sugar is my one and only only vice. Well, sugar and cute boys. Cute geeky boys who wear specs, in particular.

So don't even suggest giving up the sugar and the boys. Take those away and I have no reason to live. None.

So... one random resolution appeared to me one day out of the fuzzy static in my brain. It's a little embarrassing. I can't believe I'm confessing it to the internet.

I decided I would like to learn to play an instrument. A piano seemed like a logical place to start, but they take up so much room and I live in a teensy one bedder, and guitars are really cool but kind of intimidating, and then I saw this clip:



...and I decided that a ukulele would be perfect.

Compact. Cute. Not too hard (don't tell me! I prefer it here in fairy-land). Would look good on my shelf even if I never learn to play it. Won't annoy my neighbours (too much). Fits with my geeky outsider status.

So... I've been looking on ebay. I'm going to buy me a uke.

Sometimes it sucks being single and knowing your life is of little consequence... and sometimes it's awesome.

2012: Let's hope it's a good one

I've been thinking a lot about hope recently. How hope for the future is the main thing that keeps people going, and how the loss of that hope, however temporary, can feel like the end of the world; like a dead weight dragging you down, down, down.

On a personal level, my greatest future hope is for a stable relationship, and further to that, to have a family (my definition of 'family' has changed somewhat over time). As I get older and another year passes, this hope has become more distant and cloudy. Sometimes it evaporates altogether, and the weight in my heart becomes overwhelming.

Thankfully, I have found a medication that stops me from sinking to the extreme depths where I was marooned for many years without hope.

On a wider level, I have hope in human nature. Couples staying together despite being dealt all manner of shit (Karleen, I'm in awe of you). A little kid being thrilled to discover a 10c piece in the grass. The good humour of friends. Inspiring documentaries. The comforting huddle of my immediate family; my ever-expanding tribe. Wired magazine.

It's easy to feel cynical about humanity and our future prospects - and believe me, I often do. It's much harder to be hopeful. I have consciously taken a decision to try not to worry too much about the larger problems and to focus on myself and my immediate community; the people I come into contact with every day. I follow the philosphy of those great thinkers of our time, Bill and Ted: 

"Be excellent to each other".

Right on, dudes.

I am starting to learn that we can nurture a sense of hope within ourselves, and that hope can take many forms.

So here we are in the year 2012. I hope it will be a great one for you.