Socially Awkward Penguin Me

Have you seen this meme? It's basically a diagram of my life. With penguins.

Can't count the number of times I've done this. Most recently I wished a friend happy birthday (on my birthday) the year before last, on my 34th.

That's right, I can't remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, but embarrassing memories are there for life. Way to go, brain.

Um, yes. I've walked into a hanging pot plant and apologised to it. In my defense, I may not have been entirely sober at the time. Witnesses to the event probably don't remember it as vividly as I do.

Oh lord. This is an especially awkward one that I seem to have gotten myself mired in on a few occassions. The problem is that I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, thinking I may have just misheard them - but then further down the track, I realise they are calling me Kylie. Or Kaylee. Or Renee. Or Emma. Or Helen.

My yoga teacher in London called me Helen for the first 6 months I was going to his class. I didn't correct him because I couldn't be sure he was talking to me (I was generally upside down or facing away from him at the time). MASSIVELY AWKWARD.

The number of times this has happened to me... and the 'd'oh!' that echoes around your head when you realise you've missed your chance to say that really funny/clever/appropriate thing.

High School is the peak awkward phase - for me, and for most people I suspect. I remember preparing to give a presentation in class and counting down the number of other students who'd done theirs so I could calculate the odds of me being called on next (we were called up AT RANDOM. Terror upon terror!). Praise be those days are behind me.

The penguin speaketh the truth.

Knit Make your own muesli

For a long time - maybe a year or more - I had the same breakfast every single day. Porridge with whatever topping was handy. This comforting stand-by made sense in freezing old London, but not so much in steamy Melbourne, so this morning I decided to make some toasted muesli, not too sweet (but you can always add more sweet stuff if you prefer). Great with natural, Greek style full-fat yoghurt.

2.5 cups rolled oats (the big ones)
2 tablespoons sunflower oil
50g honey
A good slurp of pure maple syrup
1/2 cup sunflower seeds

1/2 cup chopped almonds
1/2 cup of shredded coconut
1 cup sultanas

1/2 tsp cinnamon


Preheat your oven to 160°C. Mix everything in a large bowl. If the honey is thick and not runny, you might want to warm it first so it doesn't create clumps. Mix well. Spread mixture over a large tray (I used a Pyrex dish) and bake for about 30 minutes, stirring regularly with a wooden spoon to prevent burning. You want to get the ingredients browned, and for the fruit to become deliciously chewy. When it looks about right, take it out of the oven and allow to cool before pouring into a suitable container.

Lovely!

Not Cross Buns

I made hot cross buns! But I ran out of time so they didn't have crosses. Oh well, I guess that is only proper for an atheist who doesn't believe in people rising from the dead (unless they're zombies).

500gm plain flour
45gm butter, cubed
45gm raw sugar + 2 extra tablespoons
1tsp salt
1tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1 1/2 tsp dried yeast
1 egg
275ml whole milk + 4 extra tablespoons
100gm sultanas

Sift 500gm of the flour in a bowl and rub in the butter. Stir in 45gm raw sugar, salt, spices and yeast. Add the egg and milk, and knead into a pliable dough. Knead 5 minutes until the dough is smooth and elastic.

Return to the bowl, cover with cling film and leave somewhere warm for an hour (it should double in size).

Tip the dough onto a floured surface and knock the air out, knead well then split into 12 even-sized buns. Cover with oiled cling film and leave for another 30 mins (I left this step out but they turned out ok regardless!)

Bake for 15 minutes at 200° until golden. Meanwhile, put the extra milk and sugar in a pan and heat gently to dissolve the sugar, then boil for a few minutes. Brush the glaze over the warm buns.

If you want to add crosses, just mix 125gm flour with some water to make a paste, and pipe onto the buns before baking.

Serve hot from the oven, split open with butter.

Nic Cage losing his sh*t

Oh my lord, this is gold. I think I'm going to have to see Deadfall now just to witness Nic's epic comic performance.

Thanks for the tip, Posc!