Are we witnessing the dying days of the hipster? It seems that the back has well and truly lashed on those particular dudes. Much as I love perusing Unhappy Hipsters however, I would be very sad to see this particular strain of trendies go the way of the Plesiosaur.
(I'm with Dinosaur Boy - when are they going to bring a 'saur back? Jurassic Park was released in 1993 for gods sake. That's 17 years you've had, scientists.)
Why would I miss this bunch of vacuous, image-obsessed, cooler-than-thou twats, you ask? Well, for a start, without hipsters life would be a lot more beige. Who but a hipster would catch my eye by striding past wearing lace leggings with leather shorts and yellow suspenders? Who else would have the chutzpah to wear glassless national health specs, with a tipped back trilby and a deadly serious bitchface? What brightens up an inner city footpath more than a brace of beautiful, sleek, and completely impractical fixie bikes?
Without hipsters, how would we know what the latest trends are, if only so that we have occassion to reaffirm our own inherent uncoolness?
I think it's dangerous to stray into the territory of naming that which is cool - as soon as you (meaning I) mention it, you can guarantee it's officially over and the hip kids will sneer in your general direction for your sad inability to keep up. I'm reminded of a scene in the Mighty Boosh (movie, please!) where the bible of cool - Cheekbone magazine - is so current that it's delivered by ninjas every three hours.
Far easier to name that which is not cool*:
Being jolly. Being simple (emotionally, not intellectually). Being a dag. Laughing (unironically). Laughing so much you cry. Laughing so much you snort. Watching action/rom-com blockbusters. Being alone. Not caring about fashion. Buying clothes because they are cheap. LOLcats. Being enthusiastic. Excercise. Scoffing food. Ordering lemonade at a bar. Not drinking. Ordering tap water at a restaurant. Smiling at strangers. Talking to older people. Older people in general (by which I mean over 25's). Not owning a mobile phone. Not owning a laptop. Trash mags. The X-Factor. Modern day children's television shows. Reading Stephen King. Reading John Grisham. $2 shops. Cheerful decor. MP3 players that are not ipods. Ringtones. Living in the suburbs. Shopping malls. Being awake before 10am (unless you're still going from the night before). Decaffeinated coffee. Tea with milk and sugar. Being in the normal weight range. Calling drugs by their actual names.
I could go on - this is familiar territory for me - but I think I'd better leave it there for now.
I'll leave you with this ode to regionally specific hipsterdom by a new Melbourne-based discovery of mine:
*Some, but not all, of these may or may not apply to me. I'm not here to judge, just to opinionate. The last sentence may or may not be true, subject to objectivity.